First is Worst
Remember that phrase? First is worst, second is best? (I hope that it wasn’t unique to my hometown of North Tonawanda, New York. I’m thinking about that phrase a fair deal now in context of the fact that, as I am sure you know, Mulan is absolutely, unquestionably opening in movie theaters in just 30 days!!!
Ahem.
Right now, and I do mean right now, that’s the plan for Disney. According to an article earlier this week at the Wall Street Journal, some of the executives involved in delaying the film from July 24 to August 21 hadn’t even wanted to delay the film. Quoting from that article: “Some executives who set release dates argued to push ahead, saying Disney is an industry leader that should usher moviegoers back into theaters if they were indeed going to reopen.”
Now that Warner Bros. has delayed Tenet from the release calendar, with only the promise of an “imminent” release date update, Disney is first in line to go back to theaters with Mulan. (And for the moment, WB is rumored to consider releasing Tenet over the Labor Day weekend, which…uh…good luck with that.) Thus, the grade-school chant hovers in my mind. Because first, especially here, is worst.
Why, you may ask? Well, let’s walk through it. Let’s pretend that Mulan really does open in theaters on August 21 in the United States. Let’s pretend that the restrictions in massive locales like California and New York are lifted, and theaters are allowed to reopen. We won’t go so far as to imagine that case numbers have dwindled to a reasonable rate nationwide. But sure, movie theaters reopen then. Let’s pretend.
Are you going to the movies next month? Like…do you — whoever you are, wherever you are — feel safe enough to go to an enclosed space and sit with a number of strangers in a dark room for two hours? I posed the question on Twitter yesterday, and the results were, shall we say, Not Great, Bob.
It’s a Twitter poll, yes. But consider that a legitimate poll today implies that only 1 out of 10 Americans polled think it’s safe enough to reopen schools. Why go to a movie theater if you don’t think schools should be reopened?
And even if you do think movie theaters should reopen, do you want to be among the first attendees? Is it safe enough to attend? Do you live in a hot spot? Are the theaters in your area mandating that people wear masks? Are the employees at those theaters enforcing such mandates? (I worked in a movie theater as a teenager, and I can tell you that I have all the sympathy in the world for the high schoolers and college students in charge of enforcing these policies. Which they probably won’t, because — and you may not have caught this part — most movie-theater employees are high schoolers and college students.)
Oh, here’s another little question: is the movie even worth you going out? I can’t wait to see Tenet and Mulan and all the other movies being delayed. But if the buzz on these films — which may begin overseas, in countries that have gotten their shit together — isn’t great, then what’s the point of even going?
Thus: first is worst. Second is best. Mulan might be OK — it did premiere in early March to some Los Angeles critics and journalists, who had begun to mutter here and there about its quality. But is it “First movie in theaters after months of closures due to a pandemic” good? Is any movie that good?
I realize the downside for Disney or any other studio: theaters need to open soon, or they may be screwed permanently. But all of these scenarios, all of these debates avoid talking about the very real people staffing these theaters, and the very real people sitting in theaters watching the movies…if those people even show up.
I presume Disney will delay Mulan again, possibly by the time you finish reading this sentence. They should. Even if they’re deadset on releasing the film in theaters this year, they really, truly shouldn’t be the first one out of the gate. Do they want to be associated with family entertainment, or with being the film that inspired families to go to the theater and get sick?
I think we know the answer. Hopefully they do too.