The Disney Parks Live-Entertainment Bracket -- Round One, Day One

Welcome to a brave new world of brackets.

Hello, friends — it’s time for a brand-new bracket. Are you ready? The Disney Parks Live-Entertainment bracket is a first of its kind: this is the first time I’m doing things on Substack, not Twitter.

Before I dive into the usual housekeeping, I want to remind you all that I laid out my explanation as to why the brackets have moved here a few weeks ago.

What's Next for the Brackets?

Now, as is my custom, I’d like to open up the floor before I start you off with the first set of first-round polls themselves.

You’re not really leaving Twitter, are you?

Well, I’m linking to this newsletter from Twitter, so no, not permanently. But the best places to find me moving on, if you want to more detail than just “Here’s a link to a thing I wrote”, are a) this newsletter, b) Mastodon, c) Letterboxd, d) Post, and e) Hive. (You have plenty of places to follow me.)

Yeah, but why back away from Twitter?

I don’t much enjoy spending time on a website owned by a man who a) is a virulent anti-Semite who makes his decisions on a whim in spite of those decisions often negatively affecting people in marginalized communities or b) engages with anti-Semitism as a form of trolling while making decisions on a whim in spite of those decisions often negatively affecting people in marginalized communities.

I get the value Twitter is meant to have, and that it’s not super-easy to cut the cord and walk away, especially for those in media who rely on attention they gain from the site. But I cannot tell you how gross I feel when I open up Twitter and see among the trending topics things like “American Jews” because that phrase has come up when we learn that the former President is breaking bread with a neo-Nazi. (Quick sidebar: I know these polls can drive you to bedlam, but the fun thing about my Twitter polls is they don’t result in a demagogue’s social-media platform being given larger weight. Could Trump refuse to return to Twitter? Sure! But I don’t like that he has the choice.)

If I will lose the blue checkmark as well as any followers who would rather not pay attention to this newsletter because of being less present on Twitter…fine. I continue to think Mr. Musk is going to ruin Twitter as a whole to the point where it’s unusable — but hey, maybe he’ll make an alternative phone if Twitter’s removed from the Apple and Google App Stores!

Anyway. I bet you’re sorry you asked!

No, I get it. Remind me: can I vote on these if I don’t subscribe to your newsletter?

If you want to vote, you have to subscribe. Them’s the (Substack) rules.

How much do I have to pay to subscribe?

Nothing. The newsletter is free.

So what’s this bracket about?

As the headline suggests, you’ll be voting on the best and brightest of live entertainment at the continental Disney theme parks.

How many seeds is this bracket?

We’re back to a standard 64 seeds.

When you say “live entertainment”, what does that encompass?

Everything from nighttime spectaculars such as Fantasmic and World of Color to mid-day live performances from the Disneyland Band, to scheduled mini-musicals.

Can I see the full bracket of 64 seeds?

The full bracket, with every first-round matchup, is right here.

I notice a few duplicate shows in the bracket. Why is that?

Take the two Fantasmics…please! (Not really.) As you see, I have both the Disneyland and Walt Disney World versions of the nighttime show in the bracket. Anyone who has seen both versions of the show knows that each version is relatively unique. The foundation of each Fantasmic is the same, but there are different show scenes (and that was even before the WDW version of Fantasmic reopened mere weeks ago) and different character appearances.

Now, Exhibit B: the Main Street Electrical Parade. On one hand, if I’d really wanted to, I probably could’ve called out specific iterations of the parade — based on a specific year or rollout — but the parades are fundamentally very similar at both parks, and so similar that asking you to vote on them separately felt a little too much.

So, I’ve never been to the Disney parks. I ought to abstain in these, right?

I always, always, always encourage people to vote in these brackets whether or not you have any experience with the theme parks or the shows within those parks. (I have visited Disneyland many times, and Walt Disney World a handful of times, and there are a good chunk of shows here I’ve never seen.)

And I have your back. Need help deciding what to vote for? Watch the various options on this playlist.

I really don’t want to click through the entire playlist right now, man.

Never fear — links to each option are included in the breakdowns.

How many polls per day?

For the first round, as was the case on Twitter, we’ll do four polls per day. Starting now!

(1) Main Street Electrical Parade vs. (16) Burudika: If you’ve been following the brackets for a long time, you know the first poll on the first day is usually one of the easiest. When you have a top dog facing off against the lowest possible seed, the answer is pretty simple, right? And that’s…well, that’s true here, too.

The Main Street Electrical Parade is a foundational piece of the Disney theme parks, to the point where it’s remarkable to imagine that Disneyland operated for more than 15 years before the parade existed. But that’s me. The time for you to vote? It’s now.

(8) Once Upon a Time vs. (9) Wonderful World of Animation: This one’s a coin flip. Here we have two nighttime spectaculars at the Walt Disney World Resort that I have not experienced. I can only judge based on the concepts and the YouTube videos.

So with that, I am voting for Wonderful World of Animation. I am firmly onboard with a full embrace of animation, as this show appears to have (in nighttime-spectacular form). But I really don’t have much of a dog in this fight. How about you?

(4) Rivers of Light vs. (13) Citizens of Main Street: I can never decide if I admire or am terrified of the high-wire balancing act the Citizens of Main Street have to pull off. They have character names and backstories, and have to pull off a series of improvisational activities, as they interact with guests from all over the world.

It’s a dangerous game they’re playing, and honestly? As much as I like that Disney’s Animal Kingdom finally got a nighttime show, I’m sticking with the Citizens for my preference. But you? You should vote now to weigh in.

(5) Aladdin: A Musical Spectacular vs. (12) Disneyland Band: I will once again zig instead of zag. Yes, Aladdin: A Musical Spectacular is a higher seed, and was arguably a snazzier show than the assorted live performances from the Disneyland Band. But while I miss the Hyperion Theatre as a show space at Disney California Adventure, and I never regretted the opportunity to sit down in a cool location for nearly an hour during a trip to the Disneyland Resort, I vote for the Disneyland Band.

When I think of the Aladdin live show, I primarily think about how the Genie was always making of-the-moment pop-culture references because the animated version had pop-culture references. It’s not that the live actors fail to be Robin Williams — they were energetic and lively and irrepressible…and they also basically stopped the show in its tracks, on purpose, to make those jokes. The Disneyland Band offers simpler, marching-band-style pleasures, and for that, I’d give them a vote.