The Disneyland Restaurants Bracket, Round 1

Well, friends, we’ve just bid adieu to the Pixar/Marvel/Lucasfilm bracket, with The Empire Strikes Back as our victor. A hard-fought battle, and a very exciting bracket, too.

Now, because the content monster must be fed, it’s time for a new bracket. And for those of you who might be new to the nonsense that is my Twitter feed, you may not yet be aware that I’m almost — not quite, but almost — as a big a fan of the Disney theme parks as I am of the many films released by the company. So as we begin a new month that will have absolutely no major, potentially world-changing news, I present to you the new bracket: the Disneyland restaurants bracket.

Take a look.

As is now standard, I will use this post to reveal my selections for all of the Round 1 matchups. But first, I see some questions from the crowd.

So, I’m new to this bracket thing. You’re doing one just on food?

First, welcome. Second, just on any non-ride location with food and drink at the Disneyland Resort.

That’s a mouthful.

You can see why I’m just calling it the Disneyland Restaurants bracket.

Does this mean we’ll get a Walt Disney World restaurants bracket at some point?

You’ll have to wait and find out.

I’ve visited Disneyland before. I see your definition of “restaurant” is…uh…loose.

Can’t get to 64 seeds without being a little flexible!

Just to be clear, are we just voting on the food?

Technically, I cannot control how you vote, or why. Maybe you visited Disneyland when you were a little boy who wanted to be a big boy, and you had a harrowing character-breakfast experience with Mickey that makes you loathe to support Plaza Inn. Maybe you proposed marriage to your girlfriend at Napa Rose, and even if the food wasn’t great to your specific tastes, you can’t help but vote for a place that you hold so dear to your heart.

So…how should I vote?

However you wish. I encourage you to vote based on the food, the ambience, and any and all other atmospheric details that may account for your cherished memories.

Hi! I’ve…uh, never visited Disneyland.

At this rate, you’ll be waiting at least another couple years to do so for the first time. But your question?

I mean, I like the brackets and all, but can I vote here?

Well, of course you can. If you’re a stranger to the parks, or if you’ve visited without having a strong enough memory of the various eating establishments, you can visit a number of unofficial sites such as Touring Plans or All Ears to learn more about them. Or go to YouTube and watch a video on the food. Or just flip a coin. Don’t feel like you can’t vote if you’re unfamiliar with the restaurants.

I have one more question.

I have one more answer.

You’re aware that Tuesday is Election Day, right?

I am, and I’ve already voted, thank you. Have you?

I will. Or, I have. I mean more like…there’s gonna be some delays in the bracket schedule, aren’t there? Because of…well…y’know.

Yeah, probably. I think we’ll muddle through it (the bracket delay) somehow. Put it this way: if the worst thing about your week is that you have to wait a day for more bracket stuff…well, that’s a pretty good week.

Anyway, enough Q&A. Let’s get to the matchups.

Day 1

(1) Napa Rose vs. (16) Daisy’s Diner: Listen, when you’re ranking 64 eating establishments spread out across two parks and a few hotels, they’re not all going to be winners. Toontown stops are here, but…come on. Napa Rose is the height of class.

(8) Tangaroa Terrace vs. (9) Red Rose Taverne: So, a common thread throughout this bracket, at least among my preferences, is going to be placing atmosphere over food. Both of these are counter-service locations, and I would be lying if I told you that either offered my favorite dishes. But I love the general aesthetics of Tangaroa Terrace so much that it easily gets my vote here.

(5) Hearthstone Lounge vs. (12) Adorable Snowman Frozen Treats: Once again, aesthetics over food. Adorable Snowman is fairly new at Disney California Adventure, in that it’s an ice-cream stand that got re-themed when DCA changed Paradise Pier to Pixar Pier. It’s cute, and the Monsters, Inc.-style theme is funny enough. But just as the Grand Californian is my favorite hotel at Disneyland, the vote here will go to one of its lounges, Hearthstone.

(4) Cozy Cone Motel vs. (13) Angry Dogs: I’m not a big fan of Cars, but I allow that Cars Land is effectively themed. Cozy Cone Motel has the benefit of a) distinctive theming and b) distinctive food. Much — though not all — of the food they serve is served in edible cones, lining up with the construction-cone design you can see above. Angry Dogs plays into Inside Out with its theming decently enough, but…it’s just got hot dogs. Cozy Cone it is.

Day 2

(6) Hungry Bear Restaurant vs. (11) Cocina Cucamonga: Theming over food. Hungry Bear sits at the precipice of three lands: Critter Country, Frontierland, and Galaxy’s Edge. The food is fine, but you want to talk about a good place to sit and while away your afternoon? It’s here. Sorry, Cocina Cucamonga.

(3) Steakhouse 55 vs. (14) Studio Catering Co.: Studio Catering Co. is a food truck. Steakhouse 55 is a steakhouse. Come on. I’m sticking with the steakhouse.

(7) French Market Restaurant vs. (10) Royal Street Veranda: So, these both win when it comes to atmosphere, since they’re in the exact same land within Disneyland. New Orleans Square won the bracket regarding Disney theme-park lands, too. I’m sticking with the French Market for the ambience achieved when you get to sit down and eat your meal.

(2) Cafe Orleans vs. (15) Schmoozies!: I firmly appreciate and respect the choice to include an exclamation point in a restaurant’s name. More places should do it! And I like the smoothies and snacks you can get at Schmoozies! But Cafe Orleans is yet another place that serves as excellent people-watching territory. Plus, the Monte Cristo sandwich is delectable, as are the pommes frites.

Day 3

(1) Carthay Circle Restaurant vs. (16) Pluto’s Dog House: Some of these first-round matchups are going to be just unfair. Carthay Circle all the way.

(8) Plaza Inn vs. (9) Market House: So, this matchup and the next one are both fun, to me, since they’re all in the Main Street area. This battle is a lot easier for me — it’s Plaza Inn all the way. It’s not just that Market House is…well, it’s a Starbucks. (Literally, for those of you who aren’t Disneyland aficionados.) It’s that the Market House theming worked better before the Starbucks overlay. Now, it’s no contest.

(5) Jolly Holiday Bakery Cafe vs. (12) Gibson Girl Ice Cream Parlor: So, this is a toughie. Jolly Holiday Bakery Cafe (after I made a dumb typo in my preview tweet, I went back and — smart idea! — decided to double-check the spelling of each restaurant to ensure I wasn’t missing out on words, and for some reason, the word “and” is not part of this restaurant’s name) is pretty well-themed to Mary Poppins and has some impressive dishes. But Gibson Girl Ice Cream Parlor is a mainstay, and also, if we’re being real here…well, a Mary Poppins-themed restaurant doesn’t make a ton of sense in Main Street, U.S.A. Gibson Girl it is.

(4) Napa Rose Lounge vs. (13) Poultry Palace: Napa Rose Lounge is arguably more than just an offshoot of the premier dining location in the resort area. But even if it wasn’t, it’s more than a food stand with chicken. I’ll be in the lounge.

Day 4

(6) Smokejumpers Grill vs. (11) Lucky Fortune Cookery: It comes down to atmosphere on this one. Lucky Fortune Cookery is a logical choice for Disney California Adventure, but the food is unimpressive. Frankly, the same is true of Smokejumpers Grill, but man, I love the theming in the restaurant (and all throughout Grizzly Peak) so much. I go with the smokejumpers.

(3) The Tropical Hideaway vs. (14) Edelweiss Snacks: The Tropical Hideaway will go far in this bracket if I have anything to say about it. It wins here, handily.

(7) Wine Country Trattoria vs. (10) Refreshment Corner: I will be real with you (finally). This one and the next matchup? Kind of challenging! Wine Country Trattoria is nothing like the Refreshment Corner on the far end of Main Street, U.S.A. One’s sit-down, one’s counter-service. One’s Italian food, one’s heavy on hot dogs. I will barely — barely — give this to Wine Country Trattoria, and it’s entirely because of atmosphere. The food is, frankly, Not Great, Bob! But I like the layout of the restaurant and the vibe, just enough to beat out the ragtime-playing piano of Refreshment Corner.

(2) Goofy’s Kitchen vs. (15) Milk Stand: This, too, is a toughie. If I vote for Goofy’s Kitchen, I do so for two reasons: the memories I have of taking my son to the restaurant so he could meet all sorts of Disney characters, and the delectable PB&J pizza. The Milk Stand has a fairly tasty Star Wars beverage, but it’s also got heaps of impressive design and theming. Goofy’s Kitchen…does not. It comes down to the food and drink, and here…well, the PB&J pizza wins out. Have you had it? It’s incredible.

Day 5

(1) Blue Bayou Restaurant vs. (16) Mint Julep Bar: Blue Bayou. Come on. I like mint juleps. But come on.

(8) Flo’s V8 Cafe vs. (9) Fiddler, Fifer & Practical Cafe: On one hand, the latter of these cafes is…well, again, literally a Starbucks. It is! But on the other, I like the atmosphere of the cafe. Unlike the Market House, this is a spacious location and it’s pleasantly tied to other shops and dining. Sorry, Flo.

(5) River Belle Terrace vs. (12) Ghirardelli Soda Fountain and Chocolate Shop: I will be heretical here. I’m going with Ghirardelli. My problem with River Belle Terrace is very much a Me Problem, but here’s the thing: when you vote for any of the matchups, you may well allow your personal memories flood in and steer your path. My memories of River Belle Terrace include a frigid experience inside the restaurant with my wife and son. Not a great thought to have. Ghirardelli’s, on the other hand…the desserts are to die for. I vote for the underdog.

(4) Oga’s Cantina vs. (13) Award Wieners: Here, theming wins. Oga’s shall move on in my ballot.

Day 6

(6) Docking Bay 7 Food and Cargo vs. (11) Paradise Garden Grill: Atmosphere for the win, which means Docking Bay 7 for the win.

(3) Lamplight Lounge vs. (14) Corn Dog Wagon: I gather that there are some folks who will push hard for the Corn Dog Wagon to win this. And listen, the corn dogs are good! They are! But…yeah, I’m sticking with the Lamplight Lounge. It’s an all-around experience, not just a holdable snack.

(7) The Golden Horseshoe vs. (10) Stage Door Cafe: This genuinely comes down to the seating experience, at least in my estimation, seeing as these two restaurants share a kitchen and menu. So it’s the Golden Horseshoe for me, even if I acknowledge the restaurant is way past its glory days.

(2) Carnation Cafe vs. (15) Maurice’s Treats: Carnation Cafe, no contest.

Day 7

(1) Storytellers Cafe vs. (16) Corn Dog Castle: Storytellers Cafe is the home to one of the greatest corn chowders you will ever taste. Corn Dog Castle…has corn dogs. Next.

(8) Harbour Galley vs. (9) Pacific Wharf Cafe: Both of these are similarly themed restaurants, but I’m going with the Pacific Wharf, in part because the seating is a lot more open. Harbour Galley’s a real tight fit.

(5) Rancho del Zocalo vs. (12) Tiki Juice Bar: I…will be voting for the Tiki Juice Bar on this one. Nothing against Rancho del Zocalo. It’s fine! But the Dole Whip Float is…the Dole Whip Float. Accept no substitutes.

(4) Bengal Barbecue vs. (13) Clarabelle’s: The skewers at Bengal Barbecue are pleasantly a lot more filling than they look, and weirdly…reasonably priced? For Disney, that’s a lot.

Day 8

(6) Ronto Roasters vs. (11) Boardwalk Pizza & Pasta: Ronto Roasters, because…how could I not?

(3) Carthay Circle Lounge vs. (14) Alien Pizza Planet: Carthay Circle Lounge. Please.

(7) Galactic Grill vs. (10) Disney’s PCH Grill: So, real talk: I have not visited the PCH Grill. And I am voting for the PCH Grill. But really, I’m voting against the Galactic Grill, which has become a lot more soulless since it became a Star Wars-themed establishment.

(2) Trader Sam’s Enchanted Tiki Bar vs. (15) Troubadour Tavern: Trader Sam’s, like a number of other Adventureland-themed dining spots, will go far in this bracket.