The Live-Action Performances Bracket, Round 2

The Disney live-action performances bracket now moves onto the second round. Just as was the case for the first round, I’ll reveal my choices for all of the remaining matchups in this post.

So, if you’re ready, we’ll begin.

Day 1

(1) Bob Hoskins, Who Framed Roger Rabbit vs. (9) James Mason, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea

I don’t want to ignore James Mason here — he was a skillful, sly and clever performer, both generally speaking and in the 1954 adaptation where he plays the ever-mysterious Captain Nemo. It’s not just that he lent some class to the first truly splashy, big-deal live-action Disney movie. He embodies the role fully, which helps to balance out the scenes where Kirk Douglas makes friends with a barking sea lion.

But Bob Hoskins is going far in this bracket for me. I’ve written before regarding his deft performance, arguably the most important special effect in the 1988 classic directed by Robert Zemeckis. We can talk all we like about how Zemeckis integrated live actors with animated characters, how seamless the technology still is, how swift the pacing manages to be. And it’s all true! Yet if Bob Hoskins doesn’t treat the role of Eddie Valiant seriously, without being po-faced, it falters. An Oscar-worthy role. I vote for Hoskins.

(12) Jason Segel, The Muppets vs. (4) Bill Campbell, The Rocketeer

My first surprise of the bracket is that Emilio Estevez lost to Jason Segel. It’s not that I think Estevez is great, as much as I just plain do not like Segel in a kid-friendly version of the Apatowian character he and many other comic actors have played: the man-child who eventually realizes that he’d rather keep his gorgeous love interest around as opposed to wallow in juvenilia.

This time, it’s a mix: I’m both voting against Segel, and voting for my main man Bill Campbell. There is only one Rocketeer, and he wins this vote easily.

(6) James Marsden, Enchanted vs. (3) Rick Moranis, Honey, I Shrunk the Kids

Rick Moranis is hilarious. A multi-national treasure. But I am fairly strict in the voting here, by which I mean that I, at least, am voting for specific performances. For the body of work, I would give this to Moranis. But weighing his role as Wayne Szalinski in the first Honey, I… movie against the gleeful and ridiculous performance by James Marsden in Enchanted means I’m voting for an Andalasian prince. Sorry, Rick.

(7) Anne Hathaway, The Princess Diaries vs. (2) Brendan Fraser, George of the Jungle

Listen, if I have any sway in this bracket — and I have long argued that I do not, considering how rarely the big matchups at the end go my way — then we will have a battle of the himbos in the Sweet Sixteen. Wouldn’t you like to puzzle over whether James Marsden should beat Brendan Fraser, or vice versa?

No matter: the better performance here is Fraser’s. I have a lot of problems with The Princess Diaries that are by no means Anne Hathaway’s fault — I can’t blame her for the way her character is written. But still, Fraser’s performance is an ode to lovable dummies everywhere.

Day 2

(1) Julie Andrews, Mary Poppins vs. (8) Geoffrey Rush, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

I mean…come on. We both know it’s Andrews. It will be Andrews in every matchup she’s in for a while. Nothing against Rush. But come on.

(5) David Tomlinson, Bedknobs and Broomsticks vs. (13) Bette Midler, Hocus Pocus

I realize that Bette Midler is probably winning this vote, if only because my fellow Millennials just love her flamboyant, outsized work in a very bad movie indeed. (I think you can tell which side of this debate I am on.) But both because I am not a fan of her work in said movie, and because I like David Tomlinson’s gruff-exterior, soft-interior take on a con artist in World War II London, I’m going with the top seed. We barely knew ye, David.

(6) Tim Allen, The Santa Clause vs. (3) Angela Lansbury, Bedknobs and Broomsticks

Like I said, I imagine that David Tomlinson is going to lose the matchup above. But his co-star better win. Angela Lansbury is an international treasure who must be protected at all costs. Sorry, Tool Man.

(7) Whoopi Goldberg, Sister Act vs. (15) Jodie Foster, Freaky Friday

In the first round, I learned anew that not enough people have seen The Straight Story. (I do wonder how many voters have actually seen the original Freaky Friday, as opposed to just being a lot more familiar with Jodie Foster’s body of work.) Either way, Foster’s a surprise presence here. And in this battle of two Oscar winners…well, I’m going with Whoopi. Jodie Foster is an enormously talented actress. But these two performances don’t make for a tough battle, in my opinion.

Day 3

(1) Amy Adams, Enchanted vs. (9) Steve Martin, Father of the Bride

Nothing against Steve Martin, and nothing against the Father of the Bride remake. It’s fine. He’s his usual self. But Amy Adams in Enchanted is god-level. She wins this one, for me, very easily.

(5) Lupita Nyong’o, Queen of Katwe vs. (4) Lindsay Lohan, The Parent Trap

I am already preparing the “Not enough people saw Queen of Katwe” response, because I know that’s what’s going to happen here. I adore Lupita Nyong’o’s work in this film, and the film itself. I vote for her. But I also don’t expect her to make it to the Sweet Sixteen. Alas.

(6) John Candy, Cool Runnings vs. (3) Jamie Lee Curtis, Freaky Friday

The recent Emmys sweep by Schitt’s Creek made me wonder — since it was right around when these matchups were in full swing — what John Candy’s career would have looked like if he was still alive. He was such a wonderfully charming actor, so funny without ever feeling mean-spirited. And we lost him.

And in this matchup, I’ll be saying goodbye to him today. I think he’s aces. He really is. But between these performances, I’m sticking with the delightful work from Jamie Lee Curtis, in one of those kinds of roles where you genuinely can tell how much fun she’s having.

(7) Tilda Swinton, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe vs. (2) Michael Caine, The Muppet Christmas Carol

Michael Caine is the best cinematic Scrooge. As much as Tilda Swinton creeped me out as the White Witch, it’s Caine for me. He was only supposed to blow the bloody doors off.

Day 4

(1) Johnny Depp, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl vs. (8) Kurt Russell, Miracle

So, my guess is that we’ll be discussing in the next round exactly where my line is in separating the art from the artist. That’s my way of saying that I’m still voting for Johnny Depp in this matchup. If — and it’s no guarantee — things shake out in the matchup below the way I expect, we’ll table it for now.

(5) Nicolas Cage, National Treasure vs. (4) Dick Van Dyke, Mary Poppins

I get that a lot of people like National Treasure; I…think it’s OK? Ish? Nicolas Cage can be fun to watch in certain films, but he doesn’t seem nearly as invested in the material. It’s OK.

Dick Van Dyke’s accent may be terrible, but he throws every inch of himself into his work in Mary Poppins. I vote for him.

(11) Jeff Bridges, Tron vs. (3) Timothy Dalton, The Rocketeer

David Oyelowo should’ve won in the last round. That would at least make this a more challenging battle. Instead, it’s Dalton all the way. Goodbye, biodigital jazz.

(7) Bill Nighy, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest vs. (2) Tim Curry, Muppet Treasure Island

Two great British actors. Two over-the-top pirates. Only one of them is Tim Curry. I don’t need to go on and on about his talent. Not yet, at least. I vote for Curry.