The Ultimate Disney Parks Attraction Bracket -- Round Two, Day Thirteen

Brakes! Brakes! WHERE ARE THE BRAKES????

Can you believe that we are three-quarters of the way through the second round of the Ultimate Disney Parks Attraction bracket? What’s that? You’re not as excited about that relatively meaningless faux-benchmark as I am? You’d rather I just dive into today’s matchups? You think I’m extending this fake question thing more than I should?

Oh, all right, let’s vote.

(1) Spaceship Earth vs. (33) Star Tours 1.0: Even though we could get so detailed as to clarify which iteration of Spaceship Earth is up for a vote here — seeing as I’ve specified that for Star Tours — I’m not sure it matters. I like Star Tours well enough, and do kind of prefer to the original to the upgrade. But Spaceship Earth is iconic, inside and out, no matter who’s narrating and what level of technology is available in your ride vehicle. It’s the big golf ball for me.

How about you?

Spaceship Earth

Star Tours 1.0

(16) Red Car Newsboys vs. (17) WDW Monorail: It’s been a good run for the Red Car Newsboys, AKA I’m glad they made it out of the first round. But the monorail — no matter which one we’re talking about — is another straight shot of Disney iconography, and I imagine it will run away with this matchup.

Red Car Newsboys

WDW Monorail

(8) Splash Mountain (DL) vs. (25) Alice in Wonderland: Here we have two rides that take guests indoors and outdoors, two rides based on films from when Walt Disney was alive, and two rides whose lines are longer than they look. (Alice in Wonderland’s queue is particularly sneaky, because it’s all outdoors, it’s all visible, and it moves at a caterpillar’s pace.) For now, still, I will give the vote to Splash Mountain, because its blend of thrills and spills impresses me far more than the various dark-ride elements of a Fantasyland staple.

How do you vote?

Splash Mountain (DL)

Alice in Wonderland

(9) Enchanted Tiki Room (DL) vs. (41) Monsters, Inc. Laugh Floor: The Enchanted Tiki Room is all about vibes. (I choose to believe it is all about vibes.) The show is creaky in its own way, yes (the stereotypes on display among the various avian characters are not entirely great, Bob), but I will always be charmed by the show. An easy vote for me.

But what about you?

Enchanted Tiki Room (DL)

Monsters, Inc. Laugh Floor