The Ultimate Disney Parks Attraction Bracket -- Round One, Day Nineteen

It's the backside of water!

Well, friends, we’ve made it to yet another Friday in June, and I don’t know about you, but I am eating up all of the “Why did The Flash not break the bank?” tweets and stories. (I presume there are more stories to come, but I’m also typing these words on the Monday after it opened. Maybe the deluge will arrive in July.)

Anyway, as I delight in the schadenfreude, let’s dive into some new matchups in the first round of the Ultimate Disney Parks Attraction bracket!

(4) Jungle Cruise (DL) vs. (61) Lightning McQueen’s Racing Academy: Some of these matchups are just too easy, aren’t they? No contrarianism from me here — the obvious answer is the Disneyland version of the Jungle Cruise, and it is also the correct answer. I expect a landslide victory over everyone’s favorite Owen Wilson character. (Aside from Dupree, of course! You remember You, Me, and Dupree, right? From the Russo brothers! Before they were in charge of way too many flavorless action films!)

Jungle Cruise (DL)

Lightning McQueen’s Racing Academy

(29) Jessie’s Critter Carousel vs. (36) Inside Out Emotional Whirlwind: Here are two rides cut from a very similar cloth. We have two attractions from Disney California Adventure. Two attractions from Pixar Pier. Two attractions themed to two different Pixar films, and each of the attractions was a retheme of a different, now-defunct ride. Both of these are very kid-friendly rides, too, and neither of them is particularly remarkable.

I will give this barely to Jessie’s Critter Carousel, for one reason only: in my experience (somewhat limited, but I’ve ridden both of these a number of times), the lines are a little shorter for the carousel. Oh, also, the last time I rode Jessie’s Critter Carousel, I was waiting for the ride to start, looked at my phone, and saw the news that Bob Chapek was leaving Disney. What a memory!

Go Jessie.

Jessie’s Critter Carousel

Inside Out Emotional Whirlwind

(13) Tomorrowland Transit Authority vs. (52) Fountain of Nations: As much as I have a soft side for water-based shows, I’m giving this to the Tomorrowland Transit Authority, AKA the only surviving PeopleMover. It’s the PeopleMover! How can you not vote for this classic?

Tomorrowland Transit Authority

Fountain of Nations

(20) Kali River Rapids vs. (45) Canada Far and Wide: I think I’m just a sucker for raging-rapids rides. I know that Kali River Rapids is not a terribly impressive attraction — the attempt to foist a story onto the ride is pretty hokey, and the track feels awful short for all the build-up — but…again. I like raging-rapids rides. I gotta be me.

But maybe you’re all aboot Canada, eh? (Because they say things like that up North, y’know.) How do you vote?

Kali River Rapids

Canada Far and Wide