The Voice-Over Bracket, Round 1 -- Day 1

I’ve decided to do things a bit differently for the bracket as we move through the final dog days of summer. (Can you believe it’s nearly the end of the summer? Yeah, neither can I.) As usual, I’ll be posting the matchups on Twitter every morning. But I’m going to cap it off with my personal thoughts on each matchup, as well as my preferences for each one. I don’t think of this as putting my thumb on the scale, as much as just clarifying some thoughts.

Here we go.

(1) Robin Williams, Aladdin vs. (16) Chris Sanders, Lilo & Stitch

I sympathize with every contender who faces off against Robin Williams in this bracket. (“But, Josh,” you say, “Didn’t you design the bracket?” Quiet, you.) I was slightly debating whether or not to dub this the Robin Williams bracket, simply to acknowledge his undeniable power and gifted talent as a voiceover artist as the Genie in Aladdin. Few voice performances are as dexterous as his, as utterly inimitable (as we all learned when we suffered through The Return of Jafar) and yet utterly appropriate to the given character. He is, of course, the better choice here. How could he not be?

That said, Chris Sanders did a fine job as Stitch in the 2002 animated film partially bearing the alien character’s name. I’ll admit that I’ve never been the biggest fan of this watercolor-designed story of an unlikely friendship. I admire its layout and design plenty, but I just don’t like it very much. (I realize this is a cancel-able offense. I’ll see myself out.) It’s a good performance in an OK movie, and as I’ve discussed elsewhere, I didn’t want to strongly overload the bracket with tons of performances from just a few films. So in Chris goes. (And, I imagine, after this vote, out he goes.)

(8) Josh Gad, Frozen vs. (9) Eddie Murphy, Mulan

So, I will be honest: this is a challenging one. All of these brackets are subjective, right? We all know this? OK, good. While he is a fellow Josh, I just flat-out don’t like Josh Gad as a performer. I get why he’s successful, to a point. When I first heard his voice on the original cast recording for The Book of Mormon, I could not for the life of me get why one of the major roles was being played by someone with such an obnoxious singing voice, one that quavered and cracked enough that it felt like a dare to involve him. And Gad had been on The Daily Show as a correspondent before that, a stint that also felt inexplicable and lifeless.

It will not surprise you to learn that I dislike Olaf as a character. It’s in no way all on Gad — halfway through the story of two sisters growing and bonding with each other, we do not need a random comic-relief sidekick. We just don’t. Olaf as a character reminds me distinctly of the experience I had watching the Jim Carrey comedy Bruce Almighty in 2003, when our hero kept saying, “It’s good”, the word “good” prolonged and spoken a few octaves lower than Carrey’s normal speaking voice. In the moment, all I could think was, “Stop forcing a catchphrase to happen.” In the same vein, I wish Disney would stop trying to make Olaf happen. I get that Josh Gad means well. I know he does, and I am sure he’s a very nice person. And frankly, he’s playing Olaf as well as anyone could.

But no. This, in spite of the fact that Eddie Murphy’s also playing a pretty annoying character in a film that has less and less use for wacky comic relief by the time the third act kicks in. (I’ve yet to see the remake of Mulan, but honestly? I’m fine with Mushu not being a part of the film.) Murphy, at least, is doing exactly what I expect him to be doing without being nearly as edgy as he was in the Shrek series. The vote goes to Murphy.

(5) Tom Hanks, Toy Story vs. (12) Jason Bateman, Zootopia

For a period of time in the summer of 2016, it felt like the only thing I watched was Zootopia. My son was approaching his second birthday, and the sight of walking, talking animals appealed to him greatly. My wife and I put the film on, once we got it on Blu-ray, mostly as a whim. He wasn’t prone to sitting through lots of movies, certainly not one approaching the two-hour mark. Zootopia was different for my son, because he began watching it over and over and over and over.

I tell you this because I have a full-throated appreciation for Jason Bateman’s performance as Nick Wilde in this film. If you look deeply enough into the making of the movie, there’s a version of this where Nick is the lead and Judy Hopps a supporting character. I don’t know who to thank for the changes, but they were made well: Nick is a fascinating co-lead, but if a fox full of snark was the only lead, Zootopia would falter. (I am not here to defend the film’s allegory of racism, as reflected by predator and prey characters, in no small part because that allegory is enormously flimsy and shouldn’t be held up as anything other than a remotely fascinating attempt at social commentary.)

Jason Bateman is extremely good in Zootopia. He is! But you and I both know that I’m voting for Tom Hanks, because Sheriff Woody is the best character Pixar ever devised because Hanks is giving his all. Technically, this is a vote for just his performance in the original film, but his performance in each of the films is top-notch. Sorry, Nick. Woody’s the sheriff ‘round these parts and they’re not big enough for you to hang around here.

(4) Angela Lansbury, Beauty and the Beast vs. (13) Joan Cusack, Toy Story 2

I mean, this one’s not even fair, is it? Who the hell came up with this bracket anyway? (Don’t answer that.) Let’s get this much out of the way at the top: Angela Lansbury is a national treasure who should be protected at all costs. Frankly, so is Joan Cusack. They are both extraordinary in these films. I debate internally who can get the win here. It’s a good thing I’m limiting these performances to just one film: Cusack is fine in the other two Toy Story films in which she appears, but Jessie the Yodeling Cowgirl gets far less to do outside of her introduction in the 1999 sequel.

On one hand, we have the legendary story of how Lansbury sang the eponymous song in the 1991 classic in a single take, and that’s after a crazy-long cross-country flight. On the other, we have the aching pain and frustration that Cusack represents in her performance as Jessie, whose anxiety and bitterness become clear quickly. On one hand, we have Lansbury leaning into a Cockney accent. On the other, we have Cusack doing the same with a Southern twang.

I’m giving it to Cusack, and I’ll tell you why: as excellent as she is, Angela Lansbury isn’t asked to reflect whatever weird emotions a woman like Mrs. Potts must feel at being robbed of her humanity. It’s no fault of Lansbury’s, but Joan Cusack is given more to do as Jessie the Yodeling Cowgirl, and she knocks it out of the park. I love you, Angela Lansbury. I do. But I give my vote to Ms. Cusack.

Now…go vote.