The Ultimate Disney Parks Attraction Bracket -- Round One, Day Twenty-Two

Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!

Hello, friends, and welcome back to the daily newsletter. Before we get into the day’s matchups, a very kind subscriber’s (wholly unexpected) pledge this weekend via Substack raises a question I have wondered from time to time, and one that only you can answer: would you ever be willing to pay for a subscription to this newsletter?

I bet you have a snap reaction to that question. First, let me make a couple points:

• The bracket posts are always going to be free. It was free for you to vote on Twitter, and I have no intention of ever changing that.

• If I do end up offering monthly and/or annual subscriptions, the cost will be — I think — reasonable relative to what you’d get. (I am currently envisioning something like $5 a month from what Substack suggests and other newsletters with subscriptions charge.)

“Yes, but what would I get?” It’s a fair question, and I have some ideas:

• I want to revive my Out of The Disney Vault column, linked here. There’s plenty more live-action fare that would be fun to dive into beyond what I covered at that column, in monthly long-form essay format.

• Seeing folks like Louis Peitzman on Twitter go through the Walt Disney Animation Studios canon inspires me to do something similar: looking at one film every so often (either every two weeks or every month, I’m debating) in chronological order. Again, it’d be the equivalent of a long-form essay. If we’re lucky, we can inspire tabloid stories just like Louis inadvertently did!

• If you pay enough attention, there’s always Disney-related news, and I often end up avoiding sharing my thoughts here, less because I don’t want to share those thoughts (or that I don’t have thoughts), and more because I try my best to schedule these posts far enough in advance that I don’t get the chance to make more timely commentary. That would change in the paid-subscriber version. Fewer tweets/skeets (sigh, why are they called that on Bluesky? Why, Jack?) about Disney-of-the-week stuff, and a dedicated column that would occur at least once a month, but likely more often based on what’s going on in the world of Disney.

• And more! Most likely, it’d be topics that aren’t as connected to Disney. (One recent for-example: thanks to the ins and outs of Apple’s screener platform, I’ve seen almost all episodes of the new season of The Afterparty, but have no place to write about it. This would be that place moving forward.)

However. There’s enough work on my end here that it goes back to the question I asked you up top: would you pay to subscribe to this newsletter? If you would, please use the comments section — and please do not hesitate to tell me the answer is no! If I get an overwhelming enough sense that most of you wouldn’t subscribe, then such is life and we move on.

But if enough of you are willing, I would love to expand what this newsletter does.

For now, you know how this goes: four matchups in the first round of the Ultimate Disney Parks Attraction bracket for you to weigh in on, both via poll and comments below. Let’s dive in!

(7) Matterhorn Bobsleds vs. (58) Habitat Habit: An exceedingly easy matchup to start the newsletter and your week. Matterhorn Bobsleds is not the most fun roller coaster for the tall folks among us, but it’s iconic for a reason.

Matterhorn Bobsleds

Habitat Habit

(26) Paint the Night vs. (39) Pirate’s Lair on Tom Sawyer Island: For me, at least, this is tough, in that I enjoy both of these very different attractions roughly the same amount. I like the Paint the Night parade, and I like the theming and atmosphere and laid-back energy of the Tom Sawyer Island area of Disneyland. It’s a coin flip for me, and as someone who enjoys a good, leisurely walk, I will flip that coin in favor of the Pirate’s Lair.

How about you?

Paint the Night

Pirate’s Lair on Tom Sawyer Island

(10) Dumbo the Flying Elephant (DL) vs. (55) The Animation Experience: I don’t really get the point of an animation-themed exhibit in the middle of Disney’s Animal Kingdom. On the other hand, the Dumbo the Flying Elephant attraction in Fantasyland at Disneyland Park is about as thematically appropriate as you can get. Dumbo for the win, of course.

Dumbo the Flying Elephant (DL)

The Animation Experience

(23) Mad Tea Party (DL) vs. (42) The Magic of Disney Animation: The phrase “The Magic of Disney Animation” has come to mean a few different things, but as the video below implies, you’re ideally meant to vote on the original iteration of that film and exhibit from Disney’s Hollywood Studios. (So, back when it was Disney-MGM Studios.) And that version starred Robin Williams and Walter Cronkite, the former in a pre-Aladdin period. I’ll be voting for The Magic of Disney Animation, both because I like the movie and I dislike spinning rides. And…well, what else is the Mad Tea Party if not a spinning ride?

But how do you vote?

Mad Tea Party (DL)

The Magic of Disney Animation