The Ultimate Disney Parks Attraction Bracket -- Round One, Day Twenty-One

Nice work (again), pal.

Well, friends, it’s the last Sunday of June, and I keep hearing that the New York Mets are planning to start their season at the start of July. Hopefully waiting to play well this late in the season will pan out for them! (Truth: as soon as Edwin Diaz got hurt in that weird celebratory accident in the World Baseball Classic, I lowered my expectations for the season.)

Anyway. Enough baseball talk! It’s time to talk about some matchups in the first round of the Ultimate Disney Parks Attraction bracket. Let’s go!

(2) The Haunted Mansion (DL) vs. (63) Frontierland Shootin’ Arcade: First of all, the obvious answer is the correct one: the Haunted Mansion will win this matchup easily, and that’s because it should.

Second: I kind of can’t believe that both versions of Frontierland in the United States still have something like the Shootin’ Arcade. (It’s called the Shooting Exposition as well.) This is a very thematically appropriate attraction, it’s old-fashioned, it’s in no way bloody, but…I mean, it’s also a thing where people pay to shoot guns. Considering how quickly Disney leapt to announce a redesign of Splash Mountain (years before they actually had a redesign of Splash Mountain to unveil to people) in the height of worldwide protests against systemic racism, I’m surprised the Shootin’ Arcade lives on.

Anyway, off my teeny little soapbox. Vote!

The Haunted Mansion (DL)

Frontierland Shootin’ Arcade

(31) Davy Crockett Explorer Canoes vs. (34) Citizens of Main Street: I very much enjoy the Davy Crockett Explorer Canoes. Yes, there’s a bit of working out involved — I’ve yet to watch the video below, so I don’t know if the Cast Member needles anyone for not lifting their weight, but you really do have to help paddle the canoe. But the atmosphere is to die for, and the experience is a hell of a lot of fun.

What do you think?

Davy Crockett Explorer Canoes

Citizens of Main Street

(15) Soarin’ Around the World vs. (50) Halloween Screams: At some point in this overall bracket, I will probably vote against Soarin’ Around the World. I can find fewer starker examples of the difference between shooting on film and shooting digitally than in comparing the original and new versions of Soarin’ — this thing looks plasticky, and that’s before the lazy scene transitions come into play.

But that point — the point where I vote against this attraction — has not yet arrived. For now, I think Soarin’ moves on. But just for now.

Soarin’ Around the World

Halloween Screams

(18) Seven Dwarfs Mine Train vs. (47) Walt Disney: One Man’s Dream: To be clear, he said channeling Chris Evans on Twitter, you would be voting here just on the movie “Walt Disney: One Man’s Dream”, not the entire exhibit and gallery in which that movie is housed. (Prepare for me to remind you of that again in the next few days.)

But also to be clear…it’s going to be the Seven Dwarfs winning this one, right? Right?

Seven Dwarfs Mine Train

Walt Disney: One Man’s Dream