The Ultimate Disney Parks Attraction Bracket -- Round Two, Day Twelve

Going up?

Hello, friends! The weekend has arrived, and with it, the arrival of … sigh … “Barbenheimer”. (I regret to inform you that I find the weird discourse surrounding the arrival of the two hotly anticipated films Barbie and Oppenheimer to be more than mildly exhausting. Oppenheimer is excellent! I haven’t seen Barbie yet but it might be great! But the discourse is something I’m ready to move past.)

The weekend also marks the arrival of another essay that’s available to paid subscribers. Remember, it’s just $5 a month for you to subscribe, and today, you can get my rant-y thoughts on that whole Disney100 re-release strategy from a few weeks back. Check it out:

It’s also time for the arrival of new matchups in the second round of the Ultimate Disney Parks Attraction bracket. Let’s dive right in!

(3) The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror vs. (35) Guardians of the Galaxy: Cosmic Rewind: Let’s forget the seeding here. Let’s also forget the fact that it’s not like the Tower of Terror is facing off against the Marvel-themed attraction that evicted it from Disney California Adventure. I realize that’s not what you’re voting for or against.

What I think you should vote for is Tower of Terror. I haven’t yet experienced Cosmic Rewind, which might be a bundle of fun. But I am almost morally opposed against the presence of the MCU at Epcot. This is a quixotic thing, I know, because characters and intellectual property have long since taken up root at Epcot, which is a far cry from both its conception and what Walt Disney himself envisioned. I get it.

But the Tower of Terror is a masterstroke of design and Imagineering, and — important to this specific vote — it makes thematic sense. A Guardians of the Galaxy roller coaster does not make thematic sense next to Mission Space and Spaceship Earth. It does not. I will not be taking questions on this matter, though I am sure you will debate it in the comments.

Vote for the Twilight Zone.

The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror

Guardians of the Galaxy: Cosmic Rewind

(14) Country Bear Jamboree vs. (19) Storybook Land Canal Boats: I imagine the Country Bears are going to win this one. As you know, I am not a big Country Bear Jamboree person, and even with the prospect of sitting down inside for close to 15 minutes, I will vote here for the Storybook Land Canal Boats, a pleasant and diverting attraction that I always fear will get gutted in some Fantasyland expansion. Consider it the blessing of size, I guess.

Anyway, how do you vote?

Country Bear Jamboree

Storybook Land Canal Boats

(6) Millennium Falcon: Smuggler’s Run vs. (27) Maharajah Jungle Trek: I know, and you do too, that the Falcon is going to win this one. Maybe that’s why I’m leaning towards the Maharajah Jungle Trek. I love walking trails, and think those at Disney’s Animal Kingdom are quite lovely. And honestly, though it’s thrilling to see and walk through the Millennium Falcon, there’s something off to me about Han Solo not being there. (I know why he’s not there, please note.) And the ride itself feels too much like a slightly interactive version of Star Tours.

But that’s me. What do you think?

Millennium Falcon: Smuggler’s Run

Maharajah Jungle Trek

(11) Mickey and Minnie’s Runaway Railway vs. (22) Mark Twain Riverboat: Listen, I gotta give this one to the riverboat. The new Mickey Mouse attraction is, I’m sure, another bundle of fun (there’s just plenty of bundles around at the theme parks!), but the Mark Twain Riverboat is one of those thematic marvels that only gets better with age.

What do you think?

Mickey and Minnie’s Runaway Railway

Mark Twain Riverboat