The Ultimate Walt Disney Company Performances Bracket -- Round One, Day One

ACTING!

Welcome to a new year, everyone. I hope your New Year’s Eve-into-New Year’s Day was, if nothing else, uneventful. These days, uneventful is fine by me, but I’m sure some of you partied hard as if it was…oh, say, a year like 1999. But we’re not in 1999 nor are we in 2022. No, as you read these words, it’s 2023. (I’m typing them in 2022, though. What wonders await me in a brand-new year?!?!?)

And as it’s now 2023, it’s time for the brackets to rouse themselves awake again. At least one more time. So today, I’d like to kick off a brand-new, and very large, bracket: the Ultimate Walt Disney Company Performances bracket.

As is customary, I will now open the floor for any questions you have.

What makes this an “ultimate” bracket?

There are 256 seeds, not 64. Call it supersized, call it overstuffed, but I’m calling it ultimate.

256 seeds seems pretty big.

It is! Longtime voters will know that this is not my first go-round with supersizing the bracket. We’ve already (on Twitter) handled supersized brackets covering Disney songs and Disney films. It’s only natural that we’ve now arrived at performances.

I guess it just seems too big to encompass live-action performances. 256?

Well, it’s a good thing this bracket encompasses both live-action and animated performances.

So this is mixing live actors and voice actors?

Yes, it is.

So, silly question — couldn’t this bracket be even bigger?

I mean, sure. It could. There are absolutely going to be performances you notice are not here, but 512 seems a bit much to me, doesn’t it? (Also, I gotta be honest — if I’m going to get fewer votes here than on Twitter, I may not be putting that much work into these brackets.)

What does the full bracket look like?

You can find out right here.

You really are a madman with some of these matchups.

Yes, I am.

Couldn’t keep Bob Hoskins out, huh?

Longtime voters will know that if there is anything true about these brackets, it is that Bob Hoskins is a guaranteed winner every time. (He has somehow only won two of the brackets, but it feels like more.)

So, how do the lengthier brackets work?

It’s still four matches per day, just…for a lot more days! (I imagine this bracket will take up the next couple months.)

What comes after this bracket?

I am not entirely sure! Part of that is the fact that we’re getting a little light on topics (I have a couple more supersize ideas, at least), and part of it is how few votes were amassed within the last bracket. Let’s just say I am curious to see how many people weigh in on these brackets.

Would you end this one early if people don’t vote?

No, in for a penny, in for a pound. I’m starting it, and I’m ending it in full. So strap in. Let’s go.

(1) Gene Hackman, The Royal Tenenbaums vs. (64) Emma Thompson, Saving Mr. Banks: Some of the first-round matchups are easier than pie, and there is not a matchup easier than this one. First of all, The Royal Tenenbaums is one of my favorite films of all time. (Top ten material.) Second of all, Gene Hackman is one of the greatest actors of his generation, and this is one of his very best performances. Third of all, Saving Mr. Banks is a weird, mawkish, embarrassing film and I wonder if Emma Thompson would like to forget she was part of it. (Even if she doesn’t feel that way, it’s a bad performance and a bad film.) Hackman for the win.

(32) Val Kilmer, Tombstone vs. (33) Billy Crystal, Monsters University: I envision that Val Kilmer will win this matchup, and I get it, but I do want to briefly argue in favor of Billy Crystal’s performance in the prequel Monsters University. (He’s good in the 2001 original Monsters, Inc., but it’s a deliberately less nuanced performance.) The 2013 film is an underrated title among Pixar’s filmography, and is doing something very tricky by taking our knowledge of the 2001 film — and the fact that Mike Wazowski is not remotely scary, either through his work or his personality — and flipping it on its head. Crystal does a very good job of channeling the inevitable frustration and heartbreak a younger Mike will feel when he fails to reach his personal goals. Anyway. I get that Kilmer is probably taking this. He’s your huckleberry! But consider Crystal.

(16) Pat Carroll, The Little Mermaid vs. (49) Jason Bateman, Zootopia: Pat Carroll will win this matchup, and I will allow that she absolutely should win this matchup. However, I do genuinely think that Jason Bateman’s doing a very solid job as Nick Wilde in Zootopia (a film I have watched — courtesy of when my son was obsessed with it for about five or six months — roughly 1 million times). Bateman is, of course, very good at the flippant side of Nick, but equally good at revealing the depth beneath the hardened con artist. That said, for “Poor Unfortunate Souls” alone, Carroll wins this one. But as with the previous match, I encourage you to consider the underdog. (Under-fox?)

(17) Patton Oswalt, Ratatouille vs. (48) Annie Potts, Toy Story 4: You get at least two very easy matches today, because as much as I like Annie Potts, and as much as I am glad Bo Peep gets something different to do in the latest Toy Story, it’s gotta be Oswalt in Pixar’s best film. (Not the best performance in said film, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.)