The Ultimate Disney Parks Attraction Bracket -- Round Two, Day Sixteen

Hang onto yer hats and glasses!

I know it seems impossible, folks, but we have made it. We have made it to the end of Twitter! Isn’t it grand that a very rich man with a freakish obsession with the letter X, like he’s straight out of an episode of Sesame Street, has further ruined a social-media network because of his various weirdo obsessions? By the way, did you know I’m on Bluesky and Letterboxd? Just in case.

Anyway. We have also made it to the end of the second round of the Ultimate Disney Parks Attraction bracket! With today’s votes, you’ll have identified the 64 remaining attractions to move to the third round. So, really, what it means is that today, you have to ask yourself which four attractions should move one, and which ones should be sent virtually packing.

It might not be that hard. Let’s find out!

(3) Big Thunder Mountain Railroad (WDW) vs. (30) Golden Horseshoe Revue: For some of you, this one might be hard. For me, it’s not. Big Thunder Mountain Railroad may only be somewhat different at the Magic Kingdom as it is in Disneyland, but it’s an A+ roller-coaster no matter where you go, and it helps that it still exists. Sorry to the folks at the Golden Horseshoe, but I’m sticking with the railroad.

What do you say?

Big Thunder Mountain Railroad (WDW)

Golden Horseshoe Revue

(14) Pinocchio’s Daring Journey vs. (19) Roger Rabbit’s Car Toon Spin: This might be the toughest matchup of the day. Two great films that inspired two great dark rides, and they can each only be experienced at the original Disney theme park. I will give this one to Roger Rabbit’s Car Toon Spin, if only for the masterful and I-still-don’t-know-how-they-did-it-and-I-don’t-want-to-know gag with the portable hole. (If you don’t know what that means, watch the video.)

What do you think should move on?

Pinocchio’s Daring Journey

Roger Rabbit’s Car Toon Spin

(6) It’s a Small World (DL) vs. (27) Mickey’s PhilharMagic (WDW): It’s a Small World somehow overcomes a lot of the obvious frustrations that you can identify. The song is both very charming and so overplayed as to be immensely obnoxious. The dolls are creepy top to bottom. The depiction of different cultures is surface-level at best.

For now, that doesn’t matter. It’s still one of the most pleasant and calming attractions Disney ever created, and sometimes, that is all you need, even with the damn dolls.

How do you vote?

It’s A Small World (DL)

Mickey’s PhilharMagic (WDW)

(11) Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters vs. (22) Liberty Square Riverboat: Only one riverboat can move on (and I type these words before the Mark Twain Riverboat is up for a vote in this round, but I am sure it won, ahem ahem). So today, we bid adieu to the Liberty Square and welcome Buzz Lightyear and his alien friends to the third round.

…right?

Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters

Liberty Square Riverboat