The Ultimate Disney Parks Attraction Bracket -- Round One, Day Twenty-Six

There ain't no place that far.

Hard though it may be to believe, we are now in a post-Splash Mountain society. Yes, I know, it’s difficult (or not that difficult at all) to comprehend. I wonder, as I will note below, how long the ride will last in this bracket. Two versions have entered the thunderdome, but will either of them last to the point where there’s less than 100 attractions left in the overall Ultimate Disney Parks Attraction bracket?

I’d say we could see an upset today for one of the Splash Mountains, but…uh…I really doubt it. Let’s dive in!

(8) Splash Mountain (DL) vs. (57) Disney Junior Dance Party (DCA): At some point — honestly, maybe even in the next round — we can all weigh how much we’re willing to give a pass to Splash Mountain for being an excellently designed ride while also having its roots in a racist text. (My very dicey take on Song of the South, which inspired the log-flume/dark-ride hybrid, is that the technical display is very impressive, but it’s in service of an obnoxiously saccharine story and is also…y’know, racist. The dicey part, perhaps, is that I still think it should be made available to view outside of bootleg DVDs. But I realize that’s never going to happen.)

Anyway. At some point, we’ll have to decide for ourselves how much of a pass we give Splash Mountain. In this matchup, though, I vote for Chickapin Hill and its 52-foot drop, if only because I have experienced the Disney Junior Dance Party many times (such is life with two kids) and I cannot bring myself to vote for it, ever. The Cast Members are doing yeoman’s work, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good show.

But enough of me. How do you vote?

Splash Mountain (DL)

Disney Junior Dance Party (DCA)

(25) Alice in Wonderland vs. (40) Discovery Island Trails: I will tilt at windmills and tell you that you should vote for the Discovery Island Trails. The novelty of Alice in Wonderland having a partially outdoor track was minimized once an OSHA-mandated change was made to add higher walls to the outside section. And the slow loading makes for a frustrating queue experience, in my opinion.

But it’s just one man’s opinion. How do you all vote?

Alice in Wonderland

Discovery Island Trails

(9) Enchanted Tiki Room (DL) vs. (56) Adventures Thru Inner Space: I could say I’m voting for the Enchanted Tiki Room because I’ve experienced it, and I never experienced Adventures Thru Inner Space. I could say it’s because you can get a Dole Whip in front of the Tiki Room and bring it inside. I could say it’s because of the background music, which I adore.

But…it’s all of those reasons. Easy one for me.

Enchanted Tiki Room (DL)

Adventures Thru Inner Space

(24) Monsters, Inc.: Mike and Sulley to the Rescue vs. (41) Monsters, Inc. Laugh Floor: As I liked to say when the occasion struck on Twitter, the good news here is that something related to Monsters, Inc. is going to win this matchup. If I had to vote, I would lean towards the Laugh Floor. The dark-ride attraction at Disney California Adventure is a fine enough reskin of what is clearly the worst ride to ever exist at DCA. (Watch the Defunctland video on Superstar Limo after you vote in this matchup.) But the Laugh Floor feels fresher, and requires mentally agile Cast Members to be funny enough to entertain audiences a couple times an hour. And it’s worked whenever I’ve visited.

So I choose to laugh. How about you?

Monsters, Inc.: Mike and Sulley to the Rescue

Monsters, Inc. Laugh Floor